Troll 2 (1990)

Before I even start lashing out at this foul piece of rectile pubic hair, this has to be said: The movie is called "Troll 2" but there is not a single troll in it. Sure, there's tons of uconvincing goblins scattered about, but no trolls. The ringleader; This art-school librarian gone wrong, bears as much resemblence to a troll as a herring does to an electric toothbrush. Thus I pose the question, why Troll 2? And secondly, why 2? There's a first one? Did it have trolls in it? I am confused and sad already.

Movie begins, me and Peter are introduced to the most annyoing red-headed kid ever to hit celluloid. I wanna end the pain already. God I feel miserable. The actors are sub-"Police Academy" standards and suck total ass. I expect better acting from pornstars.

Why did we download this movie? What were we thinking? First of all, the monsters are vegetarians. But! They eat humans. Are you amazed yet? So to make this plotline work, they have this green funk they trick humans into eating which turns them into plants. Fantastic. This means in fact, that even a scene like say eight or nine goblins munching away at a human (now plantafied) comes out being everything but scary. It's all just rather silly really. "Gee, look at all the little bald kids playing with their green jello."

This movie stinks. No stars. Maybe if we were four-five people and everybody were just throwing random insults at it, this movie could be somewhat entertaining. So in closing, if you're gonna defy reason and see this movie, make sure you're not alone. Oh, and before I forget. To all you IMDB-loons out there, as for the so called infamous popcorn-scene: It's not funny and it's not scary. It's Troll 2.