The Creeping Terror (1964)

Crap noir featuring the most uninspired couch-looking sci-fi monster ever. It's not even remotely scary. People go fucking nuts over this hump of cloth, I don't understand. At least if it had like some fucking teeth, or some claws, or something. But nooo... It's like three people walking underneath carrying this chinese parade-reject, pulling other people into it. Boo fucking hoo I'm so scawed.

alexander: what the fuck is that supposed to be? is that the spaceship? that's the worst fucking alien I have ever seen...
steffen: a Jabba the Hut prototype
alexander: Jabba teh Suck

Inge hasn't been paying attention, so he gets a recap. The alien keeps making these noises, like radio static. It's driving me insane.

alexander: just wait 'till you see the alien
alexander: whatever it is it appears to be broadcasting CBS
alexander: and it doesn't have hands but the ship is filled with knobs
steffen: nice how the victims have to help the monster in eating

We discover disturbing things about our mutual friend Steffen.

steffen: breast feeding rules
steffen: or, just breast ^_^

Nothing fucking happens yo.

alexander: we should make a petition for plot
steffen: they used all the money on the monster instead of plot
alexander: "bobby's hopelessly inbred synapses slowly begin to fire"
alexander: they sure knew how to dance back then
steffen: by "dance" you mean "make a fool out of oneself"
inge: man, look at him go, he's got the moves
alexander: he's got the motion
alexander: oh my god, look at that ass go
alexander: black girls in rap videos eat your hearts out
steffen: shake your booty, woo

The monstarr disrupts the party in the gym.

alexander: how the hell did the, let's call it "monster", ever manage to get out of that little hole in the, let's call it "ship"
inge: through sheer willpower
inge: we need to do screengrabs of this monster for the site, it's humping the car
alexander: I didn't notice it actually had two tiny feet 'till now

Piece of shit movie. Suddenly there's two monsters. One gets run over by a car. Finally some redneck fucktit managed to figure out how to operate an automobile and direct it's force towards the chinese sofa. I don't remember how the monsters evil twin (or whatever) died. Safe to say it was probably dumb as fuck.

alexander: please someone just shoot at it
alexander: it's eaten half the town you moron, for fuck's sake, end this travesty
alexander: I've been waiting for over an hour to see that monster die, and now there's another one